Are you in a relationship but not putting forth much effort? If you want to get rid of him as quickly as possible, we have a few hacks that will ensure he won’t want anything to do with you. You, too, can make him fall out of love with you quickly with a little impatience and a whole lot of Karen-level douchery!
8 Simple Ways to Lose Your Boyfriend
1. Do not express your gratitude to him.
Does he ever bring you flowers? Buy you adorable small gifts? Remind you of his feelings for you? Make no attempt to persuade him that you appreciate his thoughtfulness. If you must recognize the flowers, do it with an indifferent shrug. Meh.
2. Flirt with other guys while he’s around.
Is he a little bit envious? It’s time to take advantage of this by flirting with everyone in sight: waitresses, bartenders, his boss, the grocery store bag boy… Things are bound to heat up, and exchanges will undoubtedly become heated!
3. Ignore his text messages and phone calls on a regular basis.
When you have a smartphone at your side, it’s difficult to disconnect from the outside world in this day and age. But it only takes a little ingenuity to think up excuses for not returning your boyfriend’s calls or responding to his texts. “Oh, I was hanging out with my neighbor Noah,” she says simply. “He’s so adorable and hilarious!” goes a long way!
4. Start petty arguments and make him feel guilty. Anyway
The idea here is to be as devious and manipulative as possible. When the two of you pass an attractive girl at the mall, accuse him of spying on her. The more agitated you appear, the better. When he gets on the defensive, ask him why he needs to be such a hothead who is always trying to cause fights with you. He’ll grow tired of your shenanigans in no time.
5. Be uninteresting
When he asks how your workday went, offer him a brief response such as “Great” or “You know, like, whatever” and then leave it at that. Make it clear that you have no desire to speak with him. But then, to add salt to the wound, make a strategic phone call to a friend and engage in a nonstop gabfest for an hour or two.
6. Constantly conversing with him in Sarcasmese
Nothing beats a “Yeah, sure” or “Boy, if only the world was populated with more dullards like you.” The more sarcastic you are, the better. Make it become a ludicrous game in which you can never be honest or truthful with him about anything. He’ll discover that a lot of things have changed in the relationship, and not in a good way.
7. Take Him Down… Especially in the presence of others
Pointing out his flaws behind closed doors is a certain method to knock his self-esteem down a notch or three. However, if you really want him to flee, insult him in the presence of common friends or even random strangers. Ask the waiter to bring your huge, klutzy infant a bib if he accidently knocks over a glass of water at a restaurant. When he makes a little grammatical error, it’s an excellent opportunity to remind everyone that he used to ride the short bus in elementary school.
8. Cancel Dinner Dates
Spend less and less time with him. Do you typically eat out on Friday nights? Send him a text message informing him that your plans have altered. If you truly want to set it on fire, wait until five minutes after the agreed-upon time to alert him, as he will most likely have already gotten himself a drink. Looking for a truly “nail in the coffin” moment? Ignore his birthday supper.
There are plenty of other things you could do to make him leave you, such as purposefully driving his car into a pond, maxing out his credit cards, lighting fire to his mattress, or pawning off his prized Rolex, but we’re all about keeping things legal over here. Stick to our list if you genuinely want to lose your boyfriend in 10 days or less without ending up in the back of a police cruiser!